He has a 5 year plan... What is it, don't die?

I sing seriously to my mom on the phone. To put her to sleep, I have to sing 'Maria' from West Side Story. When I hear her snoring, I hang up.

I immediately said yes for one reason and one reason only....Netflix rhymes with Wet Chicks.

Chemistry can be a good and bad thing. Chemistry is good when you make love with it. Chemistry is bad when you make crack with it.

Hanukkah is...the festival of lights, instead of one day of presents, we get eight crazy nights

Alright, remember, alcohol equals puke equals smelly mess equals nobody likes you.

It's hard to soar with the eagles when you're surrounded by turkeys.

On this lovely, lovely Hanukkah, drink your gin and tonica.

Feels good to try, but playing a father, I'm getting a little older. I see now that I'm taking it more serious and I do want that lifestyle.

Of course, I peed my pants, everyone my age pees their pants. It's the coolest.

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink, put you to bed when youve had too much to drink. Oh, it could be so nice to grow old with you, I wanna grow old with you.

I have joyfully done much evil in my life to those who have wished me evil (General Maximus)

Understanding anyone begins with the person's family history and the culture he or she is a part of.

We do not imitate but are a model to others.

It's like the neighborhood I would have grown up in, I think, if I had have grown up here.

A good work is a partnership between you and nature... Nature will help you every step of the way.

Paris Hilton is going on a goodwill mission to Rwanda. It’s the first time an entire Third World country will have to get immunizations for a visitor.

To be effective at selling ideas, at being a lobbyist, influencing other people, you have to be very sure of yourself.

They can buy whatever brand they want. We will supply the finance.

Worrying is as futile as boredom, but harder work.

Over the holidays is when I have the most occasions to cook and bake.