He has more chins than a Chinese phone book.

My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn't get better. YOU get better.

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'

Sometimes when we find love we pretend it away, or ignore it, or tell ourselves we're imagining it. Because it's the most painful kind of hope there is. By indifference . By death.

Remember you come here having already understood the necessity of struggling with yourself — only with yourself. Therefore thank everyone who gives you the opportunity.

If I want to get out of here, I have to be the one to save myself.

To manifest your SoulMate you have to either invite others into your world or go out into their world. Either way, you have to open the door.

We all have auras. But it's much easier to see the aura of someone who is in a state of samadhi or other profound state of awareness.

This guy (Marlon Brando) - he'll be doing Hamlet when the rest of us are selling potatoes.

You'll never attain it unless you know the feeling.

I played Winnie the Pooh in first grade. I was an early adopter of standing in front of people and looking like an idiot.

The eyes are the window to where the soul is supposed to be.

Dressing is a way of life. It brings you joy. It can give you freedom and liberation, help you to find yourself and to move without restraint. Isn't elegance forgetting what one is wearing?