He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

My greatness shall never be measured by my actions or accomplishments, but rather by those of my son's guided by my teachings.

One thing I have learned in my time in politics is that if one of the parties is shameless, the other party cannot afford to be spineless.

If you want to be seen, stand up. If you want to be heard, speak up. If you want to be appreciated, shut up.

Until we're educating every kid in a fantastic way, until every inner city is cleaned up, there is no shortage of things to do.

we know God is dead, they've told us, but listening to you I wasn't sure.

Swing a bigger brush - you don't know what you're missing.

Don't touch your brows. I've never done anything to my eyebrows.

Learning was of two kinds: the one being the things we learned and knew, and the other being the training that taught us how to find out what we did not know?

In painting as in eloquence, the greater your strength, the quieter your manner.