He is the only man I ever met with a seersucker face.

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

There is something akin to freedom in having a lover who has no control over you, except that which he gains by kindness and attachment

It is a simple tale, but its message is an enduring one: virtue and generosity will be rewarded in ways that one cannot know.

Former Sen. Alan Simpson of Wyoming, the co-author of the 1986 Simpson-Mazzoli immigration reform bill, has said the failure of that bill was a function of the lack of an ID card system.

When you like something, you should do it all night long.

Some people use the sexual energy particularly during intercourse to take personal power from each other.

Let the child see Mama and Daddy both at least once a day. Never quarrel or argue in front of a baby or a child-it destroys security.

In most cases, worldly love ends in hatred and deep sorrow.

I don't think I have a tragic demeanor.

The individual has been crushed by our style of management today.

every heart has its graveyard.