He lasted about as long as the dessert tray at Rosie O'Donnell's house.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

Getting angry means setting fire to your own wealth.

I'm Sorry, ' he says. It's simple and direct, with none of the nonsense about God calling home an angel too young and who are we to question his mysterious ways.

Though problems have the eerie ability to pull us down but I am my own hope and I can’t let myself down.

So few are the easy victories as the ultimate failures.

We forget that we are more than human beings on a spiritual journey

It was an overcast late November morning, the grass splintered by hoarfrost, and winter grinning through the gaps in the clouds like a bad clown peering through the curtains before the show begins.

Lie down and offer your throat. No, wait, that's how dogs submit. I know! Offer her you're wallet!" Oberon

If all the qualities which a painter took from the model for his picture were really taken, no person could be painted twice.

When I got a little older I was obsessed Lil Wayne. But then it was just as many British rappers - Dizzee Rascal I would always listen to.

My mother was married to one of the greatest newsmen of all times. CNN was built out of his idealism and his recognition that, in a global age, we needed greater understanding of the world around us.