He looked haggard and careworn, like a Borgia who has suddenly remembered that he has forgotten to shove cyanide in the consommé, and the dinner-gong due any moment.

Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature.

It is never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine.

I always advise people never to give advice.

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

Gussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.

It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people.

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.

It is better to be a true disciple than a false follower.

There was no mistaking her daughter's handwriting. And the words... "If you're reading this, I'm already dead.

A little knee time first thing in the day keeps u standing all day!

The tragedy is not that we are alone, but that we cannot be. At times I would give anything in the world to no longer be connected by anything to this universe of men.

The only law which is really lived up to wholeheartedly and with a vengeance is the law of conformity.

I went to the bedroom and lay on the floor, so as not to mess up the covers.

Airlines go in the long run at the competition to reason. For the passenger the competition is good, because each competitor tries to undercut the other one.

Your country is one of the most notorious centres of trading in endangered species.

I cheat my boys every chance I get, I want to make 'em sharp.