He looks much more like a lobster than most lobsters do.

Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature.

It is never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine.

I always advise people never to give advice.

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

Gussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.

It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people.

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.

You were born a child of light’s wonderful secret— you return to the beauty you have always been.

Peace is bald eagle Flying and flying over the treesIn search for a spotUnder the blue sky To build her nest to care.

Chain letters are the postal equivalent of intestinal flu: you get it and pass it along to your friends.

I have no spy stories to tell, because I saw no spies. Nor did I understand, at that time, any opposition between American and Russian national interest.

Yes, I don't read books for entertainment.

Whatever man feels deeply or images clearly, is impressed upon the subconscious mind, and carried out in minutest detail.

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.

If there is confusion in your head and in your heart, what more do you want! A man who no longer loves and no longer errs should have himself buried straight away.

Every happiness is the child of a separation it did not think it could survive.

I now know that anything sweet, really sweet, that I have was nothing that I planned. If you don't have kids and animals, you don't truly know what real life is about.