He made us laugh, he took my pain away. I love you, Lauretta.

I won't eat anything that has intelligent life, but I'd gladly eat a network executive or a politician.

You offer a sincere compliment on a great mustache and suddenly she's not your friend.

Money can't buy poverty.

Hookers have to deliver on their promise... unlike politicians.

Could be worse... Could be raining

Too old to die young, and too young to grow up.

I don't enjoy anything while I'm doing it. I enjoy having done things, though.

Comedy, like sodomy, is an unnatural act.

I don't know any jokes, which is embarrassing. I wish I did.

I don't want to be a director. I want to direct. There's a difference.

Darkness is just light turned inside out.

The right relationship won't distract you from God. It will bring you closer to Him.

A loud mind is greater than a loud mouth.

No question is more sublime than why there is a Universe: why there is anything rather than nothing

I've just never been a tracksuit-wearer.

No man can be satisfied with his attainment, although he may be satisfied with his circumstances.

They say no one knows if we all see red the same way. Except traffic cops.

I want to live life on my own terms.

After a divorce, men's biggest fear is, typically, losing their children (women's is poverty).

The cistern contains: The fountain overflows.