He's an honest man - you could shoot craps with him over the telephone.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt.

Always remember, money isn't everything - but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense.

One way to get high blood pressure is to go mountain climbing over molehills.

Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.

A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking.

You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.

A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.

Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't.

Today, there are three kinds of people: the haves, the have-nots, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-haves.

Some women walk towards a better future. Others have chauffeurs.

Love is a magical shelter where you will feel yourself safe beneath it!

Come with me, ladies and gentlemen who are in any wise weary of London: come with me: and those that tire at all of the world we know: for we have new worlds here.

Living entity is food for another living entity, it does not mean that I shall eat my children also. There is discretion.

Canadian hockey fans... They boo me every time I go anywhere. Because I play for Team USA.

Put your hands where I can see 'em, so they look like 12 PM On the dot, see this Glock? Don't make me give these shells freedom.

Mediocre theoretical physicists make no progress. They spend all their time understanding other people's progress.

We all know pain doesn't exist without some coexisting depression.

Do what you love and try not to look at what other people occupy themselves with.

Don't pursue a heart that you're not ready to be loyal to.