He's the only man I ever knew who had rubber pockets so he could steal soup.

Be nice to people on your way up because you'll meet them on your way down.

If you steal from one author it's plagiarism; if you steal from many it's research.

A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while, he knows something.

A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.

The worst-tempered people I've ever met were people who knew they were wrong.

The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep.

God help those who do not help themselves.

Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.

In the battle of existence, Talent is the punch; Tact is the clever footwork.

Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.

Anyone even remotely suspect was interrogated, because interrogation is by far the most effective method of speedily banishing inappropriate thoughts from the mind.

The memory of my own suffering has prevented me from ever shadowing one young soul with the superstition of the Christian religion.

I turned to music originally because of my past and needing a release or an outlet to get out anger or frustration or hurt.

I am the first instrument. I am the voice. I do not imitate other instruments. Other instruments imitate me.

We're one race. No matter our religion, beliefs, mother tongue, or skin color.

It's not what you like but what you are like that's important.

People will tell you anything but what they do is always the truth.

Never invest in any idea you can't illustrate with a crayon

Quentin Crisp (to handsome young man on the street): "What's the matter, sexy? Don't you like dehydrated fruit?

Determination is the wake-up call to the human will.