He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library. I thought, "That's a turn-up for the books".

Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.

I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'

I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.

I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died."

'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home. 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?' 'It's not unusual.'

I've been on the whisky diet - I've already lost three days!

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

In my world death will come chasing. In your world it will start whispering in your ear to destroy yourself. I know this because it started whispering to me when I was in the detention center.

It wasn't that Henry was less of himself in English. He was less of himself out loud. His native language was thought.

Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together.

My cloud photographs are equivalents of my most profound life experiences, my basic philosophy of life. All art is an equivalent of the artist’s most profound life experiences.

One of the greatest joys of leadership is assembling and knitting together teams of fantastic people.

Rest, rest at the heart's core . . . till joy shall overtake.

I assume that to prevent illness in later life, you should never have been born at all.

I think the best way to get over your body issues is to just flaunt your body at every opportunity.

From the very start of my career, it was clear to me that achievement was built on discipline.

Everything has some consciousness, and we tap into that. It is about energy at its most basic level.