He says gods like to see an atheist around. Gives them something to aim at.

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

The world doesn't change in front of your eyes, it changes behind your back.

I'm in a monogamous relationship and very happy.

When you have finished analyzing all the variations and gone along all the branches of the tree of analysis you must first of all write the move down on your score sheet, before you play it.

We are pleased with one who instantly assents to our opinions, but we love a proselyte.

I'm a home girl. I like to stay home

If you hold yourself dear, protect yourself well.

Do not allow your anger to control your reason, but rather your reason to control your anger.

I was captain of Wales; I've been captain of numerous football clubs.

We may be willing to tell a story twice, never to hear it more than once.