He spends so much time in the sand trap you'd think he was in the cast of Baywatcb.

I spend a lot of time thinking of the Hereafter - each time I enter a room I wonder what I'm here after.

At first I wanted to be a jockey. I rode horses in Cleveland but I kept falling off and I was afraid of horses. So there wasn't much of a future in it.

I resent my barber when he charges the full cost after he cuts my hair, but he says he's charging me for finding it.

My career is pretty much over. I'm out in the Valley eating soft-boiled eggs.

Phyllis Diller came through a mine field of male comedians when she arrived on the comedy scene and she defused them all. She won her place in the Hall of Comedy as the First Lady. I will miss her.

I've never really taken anything very seriously. I enjoy life because I enjoy making other people enjoy it.

I like to work a lot with wood. I make furniture that falls apart. I also sew.

You can't TV surf without coming across an Andy of Mayberry episode where you've just got to watch Don as Barney. And that's why I put Don in several of my movies.

I figure you're only here for a matter of moments. Ever since I was a kid watching movies I've always wanted to make people laugh or have some sort of emotional reaction.

Fortunately my wife is understanding. When I come home from the races she never asks any questions, if I tell her I just ate a $380 hot dog.

There isn't a simple person anywhere in this world.

Beer is the Danish national drink, and the Danish national weakness is another beer.

I hope your rambles have been sweet, and your reveries spacious

There are things to confess that enrich the world, and things that need not be said.

Everybody is talking today about the economy.

The only people who become wealthy by being concerned with the future are insurance companies.

Unless this love is among us, we can kill ourselves with work and it will only be work, not love. Work without love is slavery.

Everyone thinks they can write a play; you just write down what happened to you. But the art of it is drawing from all the moments of your life.

In our world, it's a big deal when you have a favourite collaborator and share them.

Sleep, my little one, sleep.