He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

It turns out the mark of a happy life isn't staying just one step ahead of the grim reaper. It's knowing you're strong.

Look, choosing to wait until marriage makes me feel empowered. But if the same choice cripples you, then it wasn't the right one.

Eye contact is way more intimate than words will ever be.

I've been thanking God for you being there. For you risking your life for Dove. I'll never forget it, Tyler. I'll never forget you...." "Truth is, Lily, I'll never forget you either.

As we look forward to the New Year, let's resolve to recommit ourselves to the values we share.

I’ve talked to guys who have played for the Phillies and gone on to other organizations and the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

God doesn't want all of us to relinquish all of our material possessions.

Basically we are all looking for someone who knows who we are and will break it to us gently.

Hey, Jamie,' said Seb. 'Want a lift?' 'Hey, Seb,' Jamie responded without missing a beat 'Drop dead.

There is at least one truth to every myth, and it takes one truth to create a lie. Lies can be formed from Truth; however, Truth cannot be formed from lies.