He took his misfortune like a man - he blamed it on his wife.

Teenagers complain there's nothing to do, then stay out all night doing it.

Love is a state of mind which has nothing to do with the mind.

There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.

Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze. It maketh me to wake in green pastures: It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses. It restoreth my buzz.

The best way to keep your daughter out of hot water is to put some dishes in it.

Love has been described as a three-ring circus: First comes the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, and after that the suffering.

It is always dullest before the yawn.

The person who knows everything has the most to learn.

If you want your wife to listen to you, talk to another woman.

A credit card sometimes adds to the high cost of living but more often to the cost of high living.

You can love something without loving everything about it. You don't have to feel embarrassed about not being proud. That applies to hockey, but it also applies to friends.

Money is a kind of freedom that can be felt and heard

Be — don't try to become

Barbecue is the third rail of North Carolina politics.

Gratitude is one of the sweet shortcuts to finding peace of mind and happiness inside. No matter what is going on outside of us, there's always something we could be grateful for.

Kim: "What, a coffee? Hollie, I have some bad news. I hate you, okay?" Hollie: "You hate everyone, Kim." Kim: "You're one of everyone.

Sometimes when I'm with you, I remember things I lost when I was your age. Like I remember the sound of the rain and the smell of the wind.

like a kid kicked out of class. humiliated and free.

So, yeah. Our cat was a goddess. What else is new?

God will give you anything as long as you understand that he is the primary and not the secondary.