He was such a bad writer, they revoked his poetic license.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

You will not experience dramatic change in your struggle as long as you use accountability to describe your sins instead of declaring your need for help in the midst of temptation.

I used to go down every year for the remembrance of Elvis' birthday. Memphis State College invited me to sit in the auditorium and speak to the people for one of those Elvis days.

I make a lot of money and I'm worth every cent.

Too much is how I love you, but too well is how I know you.

To have dominion by religion, is to have dominion over men's souls, thus over their very spiritual life, and to use the Divine things, which are in their religion, as the means

Turns out that loving yourself is the greatest way to improve yourself, and as you improve yourself, your improve your world.

When you begin to see the possibilities of music, you desire to do something really good for people.

Lightening falls, all you can do is- pray God that it doesn't fall on you.

Leadership is not something you do to people. It's something you do with people.

I'm human; that's what people don't realize.