He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Blaming guns for killing people is like blaming pencils for bad spelling

Sometimes you've gotta wreck the truck to get the insurance money to make the payment on the truck.

I'm happier than a tornado in a trailer park.

Remember, half the people you know are below average.

I had a buddy of mine call up the other day, all upset 'cause he slept with his third cousin. And I'm like, Man, if it upsets you that much, quit countin' them!

You learn a lot though when you have kids, I'll tell you what. Did you know when a baby poops its diapers, you're not supposed to hit him with a rolled-up newspaper?

I'm on the diet where you eat vegetables and drink wine. That's a good diet. I lost 10 pounds and my driver's license.

Every July, I look forward to taping a Christmas show - in July in Nashville. In 98-degree weather. I love it.

I ALWAYS HAVE DONE WELL HOWEVER IN BLUE STATES AND RED STATES. IVE NEVER REALLY ALIGNED MYSELF WITH ALL THAT RED STATE BLUE STATE DR. SUESS CRAP BECAUSE WERE ALL AMERICANS AND WE ALL LIKE TO LAUGH.

I enjoy hunting, but if I had my choice to go deer hunting or bass fishing, I'd take bass fishing any day of the week. I enjoy both of them, but yeah, I'm a very outdoorsy guy.

All words are pegs to hang ideas on.

I’m assuming you have a reason behind this irrational need to conform to this institution." (Eric)

Sometimes you'll be on sets, and people will be fighting and there will be some nasty person that thinks they're the next Brad Pitt.

There's bad people since the beginning of time. Literally one of the first four human beings was someone who killed somebody. So that's never going to change, unfortunately.

His were the kind of eyes that held secrets. The kind that lied without flinching. The kind that once you looked into them, it was hard to break away.

It's always dangerous to overinterpret what Donald Trump says at any one moment.

Public order is a fragile thing, and if you don't fix the first broken window, soon all the windows will be broken.

I believe in the importance of individuality, but in the midst of grief I also find myself wanting connection - wanting to be reminded that the sadness I feel is not just mine but ours.

I'm writing for those people in Kenya, but in Irvine and in New York.

After years of having immersed myself in science, I do think that if you master several different ways of thinking, it makes your own thought processes more agile.