He who laughs loudest has a high probability of being extremely inebriated.

I've been a little cranky since that house fell on my sister.

A balanced diet and a brisk daily walk will help keep you healthy, but there's nothing like a good-looking young man with a nice butt to help up your cardiovascular system.

You are a perfect woman, a magical blend of beauty, intelligence, and spirit. Without you, my life is nothing.

Yeah, world peace would be all right, but what about a day off in a slab of ham the size of my head.

There aren't many things a man finds more appealing than loyalty. Unless it's a woman with really big knockers.

I'd trade every last one of you for a moment's peace and a dog that didn't P on the carpet

If they really wanted us to resist temptation, they shouldn't a made it so damn tempting.

It's not as if I don't like men, I just have more respect for my washing machine.

In my experience, "what the hell" is generally the most interesting decision.

There is not a simple gene pool entirely free of toxic waste.

We are mosaics - pieces of light, love, history, stars -- glued together with magic and music and words.

Try to listen more and talk less.

Is the music broke, Mommy?

The higher the better. It's more about an attitude. High heels empower women in a way.

I wanted to play drums because I fell in love with the glitter and the lights, but it wasn't about adulation. It was being up there playing.

Let us fill urns with rose-leaves in May And hive the the trifty sweetness for December!

Most of our cities built since the war are bland. They're modernist, they're cold, and now architects want to go back to that.

I know how to write stories that are accessible to younger readers, and sophisticated enough for older ones. I'm not a big fan of the all ages label, but I keep a wider audience in mind.

If being good isn't working - try being outrageous.

If God is your problem, only God is your solution.