Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language-One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.

Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.

I personally believe that each of us was put here for a purpose -- to build not to destroy. If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.

There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always

Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics.

Old age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

I personally believe we were put here to build and not to destroy.

Today's comics use four-letter words as a shortcut to thinking. They're shooting for that big laugh and it becomes a panic thing, using four-letter words to shock people.

The consciousness of self is the greatest hindrance to the proper execution of all physical action.

Look, I've always been a confident bloke. I'm grateful to my mother for that.

I made a more mature approach to industrial music.

If governments would only understand that if people are left alone they'll work out their own salvation.

You don't build a coalition by insulting our friends or acting like a loose cannon. You do it by putting in the slow, hard work of building relationships.

I am not at all in a humour for writing; I must write on till I am.

Oh, if I could put some of my reckless spirit into these discreet cautious lazy men!

That's the trouble with honorable mentions: they let everyone know you applied and didn't win.

Everything for me started with my love of the sport. In society we're losing the fun with kids and pushing success on them too hard. Success comes from fun.

Truth and facts have to trump partisanship. There has to be something that's true regardless of what your angle is on it.