Heathen n. A beknighted creature who has the folly to worship something that he can see and feel.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

The will to rise when you fall is fortitude to success.

Humanity reveals her inner beauty through the interplay of gratitude, love, and kindness.

Love is, after all, a selfish thing; and it throws a black shadow on anything between which and the light it stands.

I always thought that there was a really good chance that I wasn't going to get married.

Even when it's midnight, people are watching you. It's difficult to be in the spotlight all the time.

That which does not destroy, strengthens.

Let us therefore animate and encourage each other, and show the whole world that a Freeman, contending for liberty on his own ground, is superior to any slavish mercenary on earth.

I wasn't dating anyone. I was fornicating with Batman.

Comics could use more creators with something worthwhile to say.

People have accused me at times of having too big of a heart.But I have to also to say I must keep the people of my state safe. So we take a pause [in taking refugees].