Here in California, one candidate for governor is a 100-year-old woman. She's going door-to-door and asking one simple question - 'Do I live here?'

A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn't answer the phone.

Strange medical news from Pakistan: A man had a successful organ transplant with a dog. They gave the man a dog's organ. In a related story today, Keith Richards was seen chasing a mailman.

Did you see the statue topple? Bill Clinton got nostalgic seeing something that big in a beret go down.

Democrats were quick to point out that President Bush's budget creates a 1 trillion dollar deficit. The White House quickly responded with 'Hey, look over there, it's Saddam Hussein.'

I enjoyed retirement the right way linguine con vongole, red wine and plenty of truffle cheese.

The prison scandal is really hurting President Bush's poll numbers. In fact, I hear he's already working on his concession smirk.

John Kerry will be the Democratic nominee for president. Democrats finally found someone who is Al Gore without the flash and the sizzle.

The big political news, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he's running for governor of California, and already, people are chanting, 'Four more vowels, four more vowels.

New rumors that Saddam Hussein is planning to flee to a castle in Libya with 10 billion dollars. Now President Bush doesn't know whether to nuke him or give him a tax cut.

President Bush spent last night calling world leaders to support the war with Iraq and it is sad when the most powerful man on earth is yelling, 'I know you're there, pick up, pick up.

When you ‘oblige’ someone, things will happen according to your wishes, and if you harm someone, things will happen against your wishes.

If I kept saying it

Architecture is too slow in its realisation to be a 'problem solver'.

It is, I claim, nonsense to say that it does not matter which individual man acted as the nucleus for the change. It is precisely this that makes history unpredictable into the future.

This is a combo between Taco and Burrito, nacho!

Regrets are as personal as fingerprints.

I support all people on earth who have bodies like and unlike my body.

I don't mind a little blood on the ice when it's a hockey rink, but I hate seeing blood on the ice when it's from baby seals.

The life of a Christian is nothing but a perpetual struggle against self; there is no flowering of the soul to the beauty of its perfection except at the price of pain.

Education had been easy. Learning things had been harder.