Here in New York City you can now walk around smoking weed and all they will do if they see you is write you a ticket. Unfortunately, the ticket will be to a Jets game.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

The more happiness you put out into the world, the more will find its way back to you. If I can make one person’s day better because of my actions, it’s been a good day for everyone

The art of life is loving and listening to one another.

All I know is that the first step is to create a vision, because when you see the vision – the beautiful vision – that creates the want power.

Twenty years ago, you'd see guys busting rackets in locker rooms. Today they do it in their hotel rooms.

A good deal of Paradise Lost strikes one as being almost as mechanical as bricklaying.

The thing it taught me was that winning's a helluva lot more fun than losing. It also taught me that the team with the best players that worked together the best wins.

I never sweat, which you might notice in pictures.

Further global progress is now possible only through a quest for universal consensus in the movement towards a new world order.

And I feel that love is dead, I'm loving angels instead

Adam tried to hide behind the trees in the garden. There is only one tree that can hide us from Him and that is the tree of the cross.