Here's my problem. On Valentine's Day the flowers are wilting and so am I.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

You'll never convince me there is a hopeless situation or there is any finality in any success or any failure.

Donald Trump has been planting seeds for over a year, warning supporters not to trust the government, the polls or the media, because it's all rigged, he says.

Even though the story [Fences] is set during the 1950s, some contemporary women might have trouble understanding her decision.

The human race is a remarkable creature, one with great potential, and I hope that 'Star Trek' has helped to show us what we can be if we believe in ourselves and our abilities.

Let us lend cheerfully, for the time is pretty sure to come when we will wish to borrow.

I'd rather have a search engine or a compiler on a deserted island than a game.

God and the devil lose to a common enemy: inertia.

That which is communicated, i.e., understood, is metaphysical. The means of communication is physical.

A lot of our lives are about being polite.

Zounds! I was never so bethumped with words since I first called my brother's father dad.