Here's the plot of 'Interstellar.' Refugees - they're known as Democrats - they're looking for a new planet.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

The value is not in the art, whether there are more artists or less artists, the value depends on it.

The true mission of the violin is to imitate the accents of the human voice, a noble mission that has earned for the violin the glory of being called the king of instruments

It is very important to remember what other people tell you, not so much what you yourself already know.

The cardiac calls require medical intervention. So an ambulance for a cardiac call requires a doctor, a ward boy and medical equipment.

Everyone is built for running.

I grew up on the golden age of children's TV.

What was the point of spending your life with someone you were always looking for ways to decieve?

Writers of fiction, when they begin, are more likely to try the short form

The best thing you can give me is your time. The easiest way to get me angry is to waste my time.

I was a sports fan, but I also went to peace marches.