Here's the thing about global warming that I didn't realize: it would all happen at once.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

You cannot write for children. They're much too complicated. You can only write books that are of interest to them.

In order to become the chisel that breaks the marble inside us, the artist must first become the hammer." [Soviet censor of paintings and photos]

The point is [...] that you never know whether you've lost until you've lost. Anything can happen.

Suffering ceases to be suffering when you have a redemptive perspective.

A good dancer changes the way dancing was thought after he left the floor.

I'm just doing what I wanted to and what feels right and not settling for bullshit and it worked. How can they be mad at that?

Each day brings its own colours to be chosen, mixed, pigments of joy, happy moments, smiles and laughter.... And which will you choose? For 'Life' is choice.

Leisure unmasks our weaknesses.

Americans are all inquisitive, which accounts for their go-aheadativeness, I dare say.

My mum would like to see me on the cover of 'Good Housekeeping' demonstrating children's toys with some nice lipstick on.