Here's what I suggest," he said. "You pretend that rats can think, and I'll promise to pretend that humans can think, too.

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

The game of baseball is made up of many little things. If we do all the little things right, then we'll never have a big thing to worry about

If you don't know where you're going, it doesn't matter if your alarm doesn't go off in the morning.

Americans want relief from uncontrolled immigration, which is what we have now.

I haven't a great Jazz band and I don't want one.

If mankind is naturally good, he is sure going against his nature more and more of the time. It sounds like a bad joke: the paranoids are after us.

Bars are meeting places and places to unwind. But at some point, what is culture unwinding from, and why can't they meet anywhere else?

Invest in what you know.

Guilt was the grease in which the wheels of the authority turned.

If you're aware when it's going on, you can deal with it and change it. If you're not aware of it, you'll be mystified at the states that come and go seemingly without reason.

Are you a SNIOP? Someone who is Sensitive to the Negative Influence Of Others?