Here's what we know about Santa. He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good. I think he's with the NSA.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Either you suffer& die or you choose to fight& rebirth until dreams cometh true and reach you home.

All work is the avoidance of harder work.

A man's capacity is the same as his breadth of vision.

At best, the natural good-nature is edged with complaint or has changed into sullenness and gloom. And now and then it blazes forth in veiled but hot anger.

People shoot 2D movies and convert them and I never think they're as good. 3D is really a scientific process of laying out shots and picking rotations.

I have great respect for women. Nobody has more respect for women than I do.

The key to growth is quite simple: creative men with money. The cause of stagnation is similarly clear: depriving creative individuals of financial power.

There is no threshold level of fine particle pollution below which health risk reductions are not achieved by reduced exposure.

Do you wanna do something fun? Wanna go to Taco Bell?

I try to find, celebrate and teach leaders how to build platforms that will inspire others.