Hey, I may loathe myself, but it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm Jewish.

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then.

Being Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm was the best thing to happen to Larry David in life.

Give a guy a girlfriend and a great job, he doesn’t need therapy.

I’d rather have the thieves than the neighbors - the thieves don't impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

Sometimes you have to wander a bit, and do what you don't want to in order to figure out what it is you're supposed to do.

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone

Our uniqueness is what makes us common. It is the same fact that we are unique that we as individuals have in common.

Creation, like love, is a seductive pursuit filled with uncertainty and fluttering heartbeats. (Report to Greco)

I was so mad you could have boiled a pot of water on my head.

Lean on me, when you're not strong and I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on.

The constant flux and caprice of mental events do not admit of the establishment of stable experimental conditions.

The job of being president, understanding the particular policies that America has gotten itself into over the past 400 years.

Don't we all have moments we'd rather forget, and thoughts we wished never came to us? We say things too awful to remember.

We know nothing about most the people around us, yet there is always a chance they could be hugely valuable to us

If you or one of the blind fools who follows you honestly believe you can...bring it on. I'm in the mood for Slaughter. Killing and Murder, too. ~ Jericho a.k.a. Cratus

I like to hear a man talk about himself because then I never hear anything, but good.