Hey, he speaks pretty well for a guy who just ate 2 lbs of crackers.

You know why there were only 220 Mexicans at the Alamo? They only had one car.

Do you have any bald ice cream?

I see the rodeo's in town again.

The only thing they recognize is a buffet

The Barbarian's shoes are Hair Jordans

When what you want is a relationship, and not a person, get a dog.

I'm currently single, so I want to have fun! As for what guys need to do to date out of their league, it's all about the swagger. If you have confidence, you can get pretty much any girl.

Growing up, I was sort of a tomboy. I was the one skating with the boys.

I remember writing the post but not what I said specifically, so I'll either repeat myself or say something completely different and baffle everybody.

If there is truth or merit in the criticism, try to learn from it. Otherwise, let it roll right off you.

The opposite of consumption is not thrift - it is generosity.

The header was cleared off the line by the crossbar.

I am actually a terrible coward. Fear is a constant fact of my life.

Whatever it is you love, and whatever it is that you want to do, that's what you should be doing.