Hey yogurt, if you're so cultured, how come I never see you at the opera?

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

To you, perceptive reader, I bequeath my history.

at the center of every fairy tale lay a truth that gave the story its power.

When you're doing fantasy, you can get so caught up in the magic of it that you lose the humanity.

Age is suspicious but is not itself often suspected.

The sun appears in one of the upper corners of the rectangle, on the left of anyone looking at the picture.

My work caused me to interview hundreds of women about their lives and their problems.

The first thing I thought [when I read the script] was that Frasier was an intellectual at some points but also an Everyman - flawed and very insecure.

I know no other way out of what is both the maze of the eternal present and the prison of the self except with a string of words.

God does not need your good works, but your neighbor does.

Blessings star forth forever; but a curse is like a cloud, it passes.