Hey you! I told you to slow that nag down! Because of you, I almost heard the opera!

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

If there is no case to take care of, then you will take care to create a case to take care of. Otherwise your system becomes useless.

Avoid witticisms at the expense of Others.

Medical theories are most of the time even more peculiar than the facts themselves.

Falling out of a posture means you are human; getting back into the posture means you are a yogi.

If we [humans] disappeared overnight, the world would probably be better off.

In golf your strengths and weaknesses will always be there. If you could improve your weaknesses, you would improve your game. The irony is that people prefer to practice their strengths.

You know how Hollywood is: They just follow suit.

The Democrats were in the majority in the U.S. Senate when we voted for the Iraq war and passed the U.S. Patriot Act. It's not enough to be in the majority, you have to stand for something.

It is precisely because we resist the darkness in ourselves that we miss the depths of the loveliness, beauty, brilliance, creativity, and joy that lie at our core.

It has been the political career of this man to begin with hypocrisy, proceed with arrogance, and finish with contempt