Hi, this is Sylvia. I'm not at home right now, so when you hear the beep ... hang up.

In the future we'll all have 15 minutes of fame and 15 minutes of healthcare.

Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out.

Most of us are animal lovers. We insist that we love all animals equally - the hamster, the weasel, and the zebra - but if pressed, we will admit to being either a cat person or a dog person.

Can you envision a world without men? No wrongdoing and bunches of euphoric, fat women.

Mercy, it's the revolution and I'm in my bathrobe!

We all know how cats feel about traveling in a car. You never see a cat with his head out the window, fur flying in the breeze. A cat is never anyone's designated driver.

Getting old in America ... best to do it somewhere else.

My weight is always perfect for my height - which varies.

Dogs are joiners; if they were guys, their idea of a good time would be to attend an Elks luncheon.

How can something so wrong feel so right?

We just start putting our ideas out there, yet how do we actually attack contemporary problems? We do what some of the most successful American businesses do. We outsource and collaborate

When I was a young guy, I knew everything. Now I know very little. I know less and less as the time goes on.

I haven't made a movie for a while, but I've watched a lot. It's my major waste of time. I like to work, but also to be waiting for work.

You know what nostalgia is, don't you? It's basically a matter of recalling the fun without reliving the pain.

As far as my favorite sites, I do a lot of mundane stuff on line because I travel so much.

Among the delights of Summer were picnics to the woods.

Blood may be thicker than water, but it is still sticky, unpleasant and generally nauseating.

Stay with me; I want to be alone

Dictators never invent their own opportunities.