Historian: an unsuccessful novelist.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

Actualize the dreams now and don’t procrastinate them for the future. Use every second, minute and hour that you have to fulfill life’s calling, your purpose, and your dreams.

...things happen when you least expect them. Things that can change your whole life.

Life is like coffee, the darker it gets, the more it energizes.

We all came to Seattle in hopes of building better lives. No one said we wouldn't have to struggle first.

And what I should do, by the grace of God, I will do.

Going to pieces. To go to pieces so pointlessly and unnecessarily.

I'm completely against [feminism]. I have no desire to give up my privileges.

The energy that gets the baby in is the energy that gets the baby out.

I can sing, but it takes an incredible amount of work for me to sound acceptable.

I don't think anyone really knows the purpose of their existence.