History, like wallpaper, repeats itself and can also make a room look old-fashioned.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

Investing in yourself is the best way to utilize time

Whatever enables us to go to war, secures our peace

The spotlight will always be on me, but it's something I'm learning to live with as the years go by.

[Hillary Clinton] telling the enemy everything you want to do. No wonder you've been fighting - no wonder you've been fighting ISIS your entire adult life.

Autobiographies are only useful as the lives you read about and analyze may suggest to you something that you may find useful in your own journey through life.

I think what scares people about not being normal is being ostracized for not being like other people. And that's hurtful when that happens.

Don't waste time trying to break a man's heart; be satisfied if you can just manage to chip it in a brand new place.

One of the hardest things in the world is to convey a meaning accurately from one mind to another.

Life can seem rather unreal at times. Alive and well and loving one day. No longer there the next.

Common sense meant once something very different from that plain wisdom, the common heritage of men, which we now call by this name.