Hockey would be a great game... if played in the mud.

Fishing, with me, has always been an excuse to drink in the daytime

Christmas is a holiday that persecutes the lonely, the frayed, and the rejected.

A rabid sports fan is one that boos a TV set

I judge how much a man cares for a woman by the space he allots her under a jointly shared umbrella.

A sports expert is the guy who writes the best alibis for being wrong

I can't remember ever staying for the end of a movie in which the actors wore togas.

A puck is a hard rubber disk that hockey players strike when they can't hit one another.

Rooting for the Yankees is like owning a yacht.

England produces the best fat actors.

Joe Louis is a credit to his race - the human race.

If you surrendered to the air, you could ride it.

Can any man sacrifice is life for his fellow man?

Radiation does discriminate. If you are sedentary and eating processed foods then you will be more affected than a person that exercises and eats fresh organic food.

Let us not be content to wait and see what will happen, but give us the determination to make the right things happen.

I think if more people would understand how simple and what really feminism is, I would imagine that most men I know are feminists without verbalising or saying so.

Education isn't part of my agenda, it is my agenda.

My shows aren't about trying to save some place, because I don't feel that's the right venue for it. That's my politics right there: Don't bring politics to my shows.

If I had a bad performance in a particular leotard, I threw it in the trash.

In the twenty-first century, the robot will take the place which slave labor occupied in ancient civilization.

The price of success is much lower than the price of failure.