Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.

What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.

A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.

Television is a triumph of equipment over people, and the minds that control it are so small that you could put them in a gnat's navel with room left over for two caraway seeds and an agent's heart.

He writes so well he makes me feel like putting my quill back in my goose.

A hunter who is going to shoot an antelope does not waste his bullets on the dog.

Laughter is like crying.

In time of war, truth is always replaced by propaganda.

People don't expect me to have a weird sense of humor, but I do. I'm very eccentric.

Life is filled with abstractions, and the only way to make heads or tails of it is going through intuition.

First understand infinity then you will understand God and how evolution is intelligent design.

He had loved too much, demanded too much, and he wore it all out.

There are times when I'm watching an NFL quarterback struggling to get through the game, and I get bitter to some extent.

I'm no good at really anything that involves motor skills.

I would much rather sit on the floor. Very rarely do I find a table and a chair that is comfortable. But the floor is comfortable.