Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt.

Always remember, money isn't everything - but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense.

One way to get high blood pressure is to go mountain climbing over molehills.

Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.

A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking.

You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.

A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.

Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't.

Today, there are three kinds of people: the haves, the have-nots, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-haves.

The day you are born is the day you start dying

Being a divorcee in a small town is a little like playing Monopoly

We all remember things, it's what we remember that determines how we live.

Apologized for saying Barack Obama was clean and articulate.

If they'd said, "Do you want to be John Wesley Harding or Wesley Stace in 25 years' time?" I would have said Wesley Stace, but I wasn't to know.

My mother always tried to keep a little bit of British culture in our family. We'd drink tea all the time!

I can do basics, but I'm not a proper cook. I can do a roast. I can stick a chicken in the oven with vegetables.

I see water and buildings ... Oh my God! Oh my God.

I'm interested in music, not in my image. If someone plays something fantastic, that I could never have thought of, it makes me happy to know it exists.

If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.