Home to me is when someone comes up to me and says, "Can I get a selfie?" No. It's where your wife and your family are. It's the emotional place where you feel like you're not away from it.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

I believe the United States should allow all foreigners in this country, provided they can speak our native language... Apache.

Be so good they can't ignore you.

I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.

I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.

Relationships end, but they don't end your life. But people do often spending more time finding out about failed relationships than finding successful ones.

Relationships end, but they don't end your life.

Some people have a way with words, and other people...oh, uh, not have way.

The better organized the state, the duller its humanity.

If you also thinks it means I wake up every morning wondering what I did to deserve having you back in my life, well, you'd be right about that too.

My Son, Only Tax and Death are for sure.

Human judges can show mercy. But against the laws of nature, there is no appeal.

I spend most of my life just listening to people.

All men are equal — all men, that is to say, who possess umbrellas.

Everyone seemed to want a piece of Ronald Reagan. It was maddening.

I use every opportunity, whether on my radio show or on television, to break stereotypes.

Trump has to do what Reagan did. Trump's gotta go on the air and tell us what his tax plan is and put it in our faces and put them on the spot. That's what I think he should do.

I'm not a peak oil person. I'm not a biohazard apocalyptic kind of freak. I don't have a supply of weapons or gold bars under my house.