Honestly, the only way Garden State could have been better was if I played every character. I'm awesome.

I was mad when I heard The Amazing Race wasn't about white people.

I was kosher until I had my Bar Mitzvah, and I parlayed officially becoming a man into telling my father I wanted to eat cheeseburgers.

I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.

It's all about being a part of something in the community, socializing with people who share interests and coming together to help improve the world we live in.

In New York, we tip everyone. We tip doormen, we tip cab drivers, and we tip bartenders at the bar. You'll get quite an evil eye if you don't leave a tip at the bar.

I like hot dogs. I like eggplant. I like pizza and creamed corn and beer. But I don't like Arabs.

The best way to travel abroad is to live with the locals.

I don't mind it if blacks want equal rights, as long as they mean rights equal to a dog

It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.

Women have the right to choose what do with their own bodies. They can take it in the cooch or in the pooper. But that's where their right to choose stops, in my opinion.

Prayer is the sign of your weakness. Rely on your inner strength. You will be the winner.

Psychiatry is a dirty mirror.

During my 40-year coaching career at West Point, Indiana and Texas Tech, my teams reached the Final Four on five occasions, winning the national championship three times.

Your best friend should bring out the best in you

I don't let guys do hickeys. That's like a dog marking his territory or something.

We keep ourselves so tied up in regretting the past and fearing the future that we don't have any energy left to figure out who we are and what we want to create right now.

In my experience the difference between a straight and a bisexual is about four pints

He wished he had some kind of X-ray vision for the human heart.

It is absurd to quote religion or God or religious doctrines to render the people as lowest castes.

A real medicine can only exist when it penetrates into a knowledge which embraces the human being in respect to body, soul and spirit.