Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Never regret anything that made you smile.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

Life is short, Break the Rules. Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably And never regret ANYTHING That makes you smile.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

Liberty is my religion and Humans are my God.

Since nothing is free, to each his price.

Life is a learning experience. All you can do is learn from your mistakes, but you can't go back in time.

To believe in God is not hard. Inquisitors, Byron and Arakcheev believed in Him. No, believe in man!

There's too much - I don't know what the word is - scientology in the game.

We all know how stupid the average person is. Now realize that, by definition, fifty percent of the population is dumber than that.

You cannot kill an idea by murdering innocent people — though you can nudge it toward suicide.

It gave me a second chance. I'd like everybody to have a second chance if they need it, so I'm trying to let people know how important it is to become an organ donor.

Ed Wood served a great purpose - mainly making writers feel better about their work.

But, if there ever was a time in history when "peace" meant that there was no fighting going on, I have been unable to find out about it.