Honey, when you say we can't communicate... what exactly do you mean?

What fits your busy schedule better, exercising one hour a day or being dead 24 hours a day?

Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press 1 eighteen thousand times.

Thank you for calling customer service. If you're calm and rational, press 1. If you're a whiner, press 2. If you're a hot head, press 3

Whenever I call a company and get put on hold, I never really feel like I'm being held.

He gave me a copy of The Declaration of Independence, then he got a tattoo that says Give Me Liberty Or Give Me Death. I think my boyfriend wants his freedom.

It's called 'reading'. It's how people install new software into their brains.

Our worst misfortunes never happen, and most miseries lie in anticipation.

Without Divine assistance I can not succeed; with it I can not fail.

Painting is a science pursued as an enquiry into the laws of nature...Observation is considered the key to natural science.

Men, all men, were always trying to get hold of me, you know.

Humanity can be roughly divided into three sorts of people - those who find comfort in literature, those who find comfort in personal adornment, and those who find comfort in food.

Love is the most melodious of all harmonies.

If Americans in 2100 came to see 12 meters sea-level rise as inevitable by 2200, who can even begin to fathom how the nation would respond?

We've been expected to be perfect but we aren't. We're still human.

I just am not good at math.

I know there are people who believe you should forgive and forget. For the record, I'd like to say I'm a big fan of forgiveness as long as I'm given the opportunity to get even first.