Hopefully, underlying all my jokes is an element of surprise.

There's always something funny about men chasing women.

You can either look at things in a brutal, truthful way that's depressing, or you can screw around and have fun.

Whenever you get on the plane, the flight attendant will always tell you the name of your pilot. Like anyone goes, Oh, he's good.

You know the drill. 18 is legal. 17 with consent. 16 with a note. 15 if her dad's in the room. Low five!

I'm a gentleman and I was always taught it's rude, to talk about a woman's age or weight unless you are breaking up with her.

I just don't like to go out and deal with the real world. It's scary.

Staying in a hotel this time. They put me up in a little bit of a shithole. Yeah. Just this side of rinky dink. The first 7 floors are a homeless shelter, but I'm on 8.

Gossip is a plague that consumes weak, gullible people and blinds them from the truth of reality; it can devour entire city's. I prefer keeping my eyes wide open.

I want to get back to my fighting weight of 98 pounds. I have the exact measurements of that guy from the movie, Powder. Right now, I am the reigning West Coast Powder.

My fellow nerds and I will retire to the nerdery with our calculators.

1. Reading becomes knowledge.2. Applying knowledge becomes experience.Most people have done 1 but they forget 2. These people blow too much without effective result.

I am conscious of my inability to grasp, in all its details and positive developments, any very large portion of human knowledge.

I have my standards. They're low, but I have them.

If you need food stamps, you should meet the criteria.

All screenwriting books are bullshit, all. Watch movies, read screenplays. Let them be your guide.

Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.

In the end, I wonder if the true movement of the world might not be a voice raised in song.

Art, if it is successful in the task of questioning reality, if it is good painting and not merely a performance of dexterity, will be an affirmation of God.

For many artists the universe is expanding; for some it is contracting.

Never base your budget requests on realistic assumptions, as this could lead to a decrease in your funding.