Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese. Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

No matter how often I tell people I'm thirty-nine some of them refuse to believe I'm that old.

A rich man is one who isn't afraid to ask the salesperson to show him something cheaper.

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.

I went to a meeting for premature ejactulators. I left early.

You're the most unknown famous man I ever met

I was only a working-class boy from a Nationalist ghetto. But it is repression that creates the revolutionary spirit of freedom.

I mean, if we said right now, there's somebody in the next room who's dying, let's all go save their life, you know, everybody would just get up immediately and go get involved in that.

There is only one value to having the look you have when you are young and no value to the look you have when you are older.

The biggest mistake is being too afraid of making one.

I always think it's a mistake when you actually have to set books aside and actually sit down and research something. I always think they've got to come from within.

If something must be true for us, as humans, to exist, than it is true simply because we exist.

Sometimes I do get writer's block but it's more of a writer's doubt - I'll try and write but nothing goes anywhere because I start thinking everything sucks.

So every creative act strives to attain an absolute status; it longs to create a world of beauty to triumph over chaos and convert it to order.

If we repealed all the laws of the world marriage would still exist.