Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.

Love changes things

What can bombs know of the illuminated fields so golden with heaven in your heart’s sacred lands?

You can never clear a thought from someone's mind, which is incepted by a external cause. thy you know the truth, let it pass patience and self realization is the key to clearance.

Even if there are instances in which it can be mistook by onlookers, never fool yourself into using misunderstood genius as an excuse to be a fool.

Humanity seized to exist when Israel was established.

If you are smart, you never retire. You may retire from that job you have had for many years, but you will pick up another career for yourself of some type.

I totally alienated some reporters as I retreated.

When two duties jostle each other, one of 'em isn't a duty.

The soul - your soul - knows all there is to know all the time. There's nothing hidden to it, nothing unknown. Yet knowing is not enough. The soul seeks to experience.

The idea of intimately entwining with customers [to get ideas] is an idea whose time has come.