How can there be self-help groups?

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

God is the Everlasting Counselor.

People say that your life flashes before your eyes before you die, but they’re wrong. It’s not your life that passes before you, it’s the regrets that do.

Corn is the only food you hold like corn.

To make us a terrorist target in a region that is full of terrorism is dumb and unforgiveable.

I try to balance independent films with commercial films, and I've done a pretty good job of it over the years.

You have to have a hell of a lot of confidence in what you're doing.

I have a capacity in my soul for taking in God entirely. I am as sure as I live that nothing is so near to me as God.

It never fails - you get in the bath and there's a rub at the lamp

Reflect that life, like every other blessing, Derives its value from its use alone.

A lawyer without history or literature is a mechanic, a mere working mason; if he possesses some knowledge of these, he may venture to call himself an architect.