How can you be afraid of women?” “Those ain’t normal women.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

Confidence in others' honesty is no light testimony of one's own integrity.

You're not a nuthatch, Laurie.""Oh, but I am. I'm totally upside down. I'm a very backward kind of guy.

The truth doesn't have to do with cruelty, the truth has to do with mercy.

If you talk about people that lie, this Ted Cruz, this is the biggest liar I've ever seen.

I was very much a tough New York street kid. I went to a school where you had to learn how to get along with everybody or fight with everybody, and I did my fair share of both.

I always feel like every film takes the franchise and hangs it in the balance.

No one ever has or ever will travel quite the same path on earth.

If you want the ultimate thrill, you've got to be willing to pay the ultimate price.

It's hard to feel middle-aged, because how can you tell how long you are going to live?

Religious canons, civil laws, are cruel; then what should war be?