How come New York gets all the cool plane crashes?

Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.

Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.

I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.

I dated a teacher in high school. Yeah, it didn't make me cooler. And a lot of you are like 'that's cause you were homeschooled'.

Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.

The flat-brimmed cap is the modern day dunce cap.

They say money doesn't buy happiness. That phrase should end with 'just kidding'.

Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.

I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'

The heart carries heavy loads when it is being trained to carry weighty blessings.

It has thick skin, and all the most important thinkers have become part of it.

I write nonfiction in this thriller-esque style. I have all the facts; I research it. I have thousands of pages of court documents... I try to get inside my stories.

But however happy you are feeling, you can't talk with your mouth full of snow.

There is no one right way to live.

Death is every man's final critic. To die well you must live bravely.

I've never seen a man in my life I wanted to marry.

I love the smell of estrogen in the morning.

I'll support Donald [Trump] if he's the Republican nominee.

The hours trip rapidly away, hiding their dreams in their skirts.