How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

That's chess!" snapped Ron. "You've got to make some sacrifices!

Life is the first gift, love is the second, and understanding the third.

And I say, the meaning of life is what you make it. There will be as many different meaningful lives as there are people to live them.

Was it Gorky who had said, "If your children are no better than you are, you have fathered them in vain, indeed you have lived in vain".

Princess." He smiled up at me, but it was weak. "If i'd known that this is what it would take to get you to hold me, I would've collapsed a long time ago.

The Duke [John Wayne] was a massive figure. He looked like a heavy piece of hauled lumber, and it didn't seem like any man could stand shoulder to shoulder with him.

I don't think because a story has humor in it means it's brief. For some reason, people think anything that's 30 minutes is a comedy, comedies can be longer or shorter, so can dramas.

People always say that you can't please everybody. I think that's a cop-out. Why not attempt it? 'Cause think of all the people you will please if you try.

In show business, you can't make a living. You can only make a fortune, but you can't make a living.

For every sad thing you think of, you should think of three happy things to chase it away.