How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

I’m Detective Piper of the Fairyland Metro Police, and I've been called in to investigate the incident of the missing frog prince…

Our inner space and our peace of mind are affected by our outer space.

Every teenager feels a wanting, a desire for something more, to be heard, to be seen.

As a plant produces its flower, so the psyche creates its symbols.

Regret is… an unavoidable result of any loss, for in loss we lose the tomorrow that we needed to make right our yesterday or today.

The flute was an alternative to being a small fish in an increasingly bigger pool filled with a number of great guitar players.

I do not give a damn about the dead. They died for the [Communist] Party and the Party can decide what it wants. I practice a live man's politics, for the living.

My gast was pretty well flabbered.

I only work with actors who take full responsibility for their characters.

Your worship is not a gift from you to God. It is a gift from God to you.