How come when it’s us, it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken, it’s an omelette?

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

We cannot move forward if we allow the past to pull us back.

The lucky people that end up doing what they love even find out somethings that they don't love it as much as they thought.

Lovers are weapons, but love is a wound.

Sometimes you wonder why the only luck we have is bad luck. But you move on.

Oasis were like the bullies I had to put up with at school.

Nobody is happy alone. To share experiences is always a good thing.

Purity is light. Not just an ordinary light, but a transcendental light.

Your soul will be dead even before your body: fear nothing further.

The ambitious are criticized by those that have given up.

Laughter need not be cut out of anything, since it improves everything.